2005/Personal/Cinema

2046, Blood And Bones, Crimen Ferpecto, Crónicas, Dear Wendy, Free Zone, Howl's Moving Castle, The King, Manderlay, Mar Adentro, Million Dollar Baby, Obaba, La Sombra Del Caminante, Tropical Malady

2005/Personal/Divas

Fiona Apple, Björk, Carla Bruni, Julie Delpy, Olvido Gara, Ely Guerra, Shirley Manson, Nina Persson, Gwen Stefani, Julieta Venegas

Omisiones

No me siento muy bien. Siento que pude haber hecho algo que no hice.

Anoche y hoy temprano

Noche. Exterior.
Lo que pensaba. Soy incapaz de expresarme correctamente o al menos de forma adecuada para que la gente me entienda, o para que al menos sea capaz de dedicarme una parte mínima de su atención. Al mismo tiempo no quiero cambiar mi forma de expresarme; es tal vez la única parte de mi personalidad que realmente ha existido siempre.
Lo que sentí. Que estoy hasta la madre. I need a break. I am fed up!

Día. Interior.
Lo que quiero decir -pero nadie me va a escuchar y por consiguiente lo escribo en este puto blog-. Quisiera ser capaz de disfrutar ese sonido que fluye como un arroyo, sin ser forzado; y ser capaz de producir algo que alguien sea capaz de disfrutar -no un chiste- o de llevar las emociones de alguien que no sea yo a otro nivel.

Delpy, may I call you Dear Julie?

I was surprised.
It is becoming more and more common, yet Julie Delpy surprised me.
I guess the first time I saw that thing, a gorgeous woman who acts or models playing or singing, was in the early 90s, when Naomi Campbell made an album that Inever heard (I only heard the back vocals she sang for Vanilla Ice in the soundtrack for his infamous film 'Cool As Ice').
Some time after I felt in love (yes, I did) with Milla Jovovich, that young ucranian girl of my age who started to model I guess even before her hair was curl,when she threw that album called 'The Divine Comedy' from which I heard two tracks and I remember 'The Gentlemen Who Felt'. That was not bad.
The time went by and the turn was of Tracy Lords. What could anyone expect fromher as a singer? Her music was labelled as 'alternative', but I don't remember who put that label; perhaps I just dreamed that.
I will skip of course the opaque part of all this chain of events (Lindsay Lohan, Yenifer Lopez, etc).
On the early 2000s the surprise, and what a surprise, was Carla Bruni. Wasn't she that top model? I thought. I replied myself until I bought the cd. Yes it washer and it is still she and she does it good and nice. Something like telling me "don't forget that I was just a model".The last one is in my hands and in my ears. The last year I went to see 'BeforeSunset', that sort of sequele for 'Before Sunrise' which I pretty enjoyed when I was under my twenties. It is absolutely another kind of experience for anyone who watch this. I saw Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy on 'Before Sunrise' spending anight together and promising to meet again six months later. Regardless of the "what a nice film" factor or the identification factor in the film, what specially struck me was the desire of travelling and also of meeting people. Although poerhaps with the time I had idealized that opinion.The last year, on my twenties, I saw 'Before Sunset' and Ethan and Julie met again and I enjoyed that pretty striking end. And I heard Julie singing to Ethan and playing a guitar, just honestly. Then I heard the she even performed at a Festival where the film was screened.
Yesterday I passed by that cd and I didn't think it twice, after all it was theSt. Nicolas day and so I have it now and I listen to it now and I am not dissappointed for I didn't have any other expectations than hearing and I guess it is not precisely the best hand-made music album ever nor her voice is the most boheme for the music style she plays. And she surprises me. Her waltz is there.
But I have it and I like it and something dangerous: it is making me remember... since she is actually french she speaks and sings fluently english but with a slight foreign accent which makes it easier to understand. However it is not herlyrics which make me remember, or perhaps they do. I go on remembering, and I've got my St Johannes teabags by my side, just in case... perhaps I am just envious...

Amargo

Cuando el agua y la leche se mezclan
mi sed se hace seca
y no siento nada fluir en mi garganta
solamente ese aire con sabor
tan amargo que el día se olvida
a unos cuantos minutos de terminar
aunque se hace inolvidable
mientras no termine

Así olvido el día recién terminado
y vivo el que no se termina
hablo sin palabras
busco una forma discreta
de hacer mi sed menos seca

La amargura sale de mi boca
se mete en mis ojos, opaca
la amargura traiciona a mi propio peso
no es la gravedad la que me gana
siento mi culo pegado al suelo

JP
16.11.2005

Dos Pasos

Porque cada vez que intento acercarme
abres la boca y soplas
cubriéndome de tu aliento cálido
mis ojos de naturaleza seca
se resisten a humedecerse
mi humedad invasiva invade
hasta donde mi libido marca sus fronteras,
tus fronteras desconozco
pensaba hasta hace poco
cuando envuelto en tus afrodisíacos alientos
notaba tu irritación que yo mismo provocaba
al intentar acercarme con solamente un paso
ajeno a mi naturaleza invasiva
consecuencia de mi humedad invasiva
ajena a la sequedad de mis ojos
acentuada por el soplo tuyo
parte de tu naturaleza defensiva...
he decidido ahora mismo
dar dos pasos en vez de uno...

JP
27.10.2005

Dear 'Dear Wendy'

Dear 'Dear Wendy',
it is important for me not to forget, but that doesn't mean that it is important to remember, because it actually hurts me, and it distracts me, and it keeps me awake when I want to sleep; so I call you "dear", since you distracted me without hurting and you didn't make me remember anything at all. I enjoyed you and now I want to have you with me in three different parts. At least.
I would like to have a copy of you. I would like to have a copy of your soundtrack. I would like to have a copy of your screenplay. Did I say "at least"? Perhaps I would like to have something else from you. Or to have had. But I won't grow pathetic, I've learned somehow to be conformist, that's something that perhaps you don't know from me, do you?
A lot of facts you don't know about me, dear 'Dear Wendy', and I am glad for. I've never thought of myself to be a mysterious or deep guy, so, if there's something you may ignore about me, I feel a little bit like that. It helps my self esteem.
However, when I finish today, you might know something else about me. I hope I don't dissapoint you.
The first time I visited you it was late at night, remember? The last night, the closing night of the Fantasy Film Fest, in that theater, full, and my hidden arousal filling the empty spaces around me. I was surprised, and I felt really good for I came to know you sooner than a lot of other persons who would do it afterwards, outside a festival.
I didn't have to behave empathetic, I didn't feel the need of identifying myself with any of your characters, although I could've done it; what I want to acclaim is your sensibility for not falling into those emotional and trendy holes for catching other persons. And you didn't even if the theater was full. For moments you made me feel angry, or upset, but not towards you, just for you made clear that I was just a visitor with the right to know what was going on which each of the persons around who were not visitors. Was I then a part of yours or was I behaving emotional? I don't think either way. What I think is that you conquered me with your fine and honest behaviour. Besides you were looking pretty good. And your behaviour was that of the fine ones.
So, you introduced to me a city and some persons living right there. You showed me the faces and features of those persons whose names you said, perhaps you didn't really talk about Cynthia and that Sheriff (not Krugsby, the other one), but the rest were quite recongnizable according to what you told about them. In a moment I could've decided to left that city or even to live there. I didn't leave, but I didn't dwell there either, that was a big achivement from you, you know? part of your beautiness.
When I left the theater room and I have to wait a long for the train which took me home, your were present, with me, in me. For sure you talked about inspiration and you didn't do it for free. Actually I don't think that any comment from you was for free, you charged every single word, so every single cent I paid for meeting you was worth.
So that I even went to see you again. How did you feel to meeting me again? This second time you were pretty lonesome, Andreu was with me and in the rest of the room were less persons than the fingers I have. I don't think you felt bad because of that, did you?
The second time the surprise was lesser than the first time, but I enjoyed you even more. I paid more attention to your words, and I paid to meet you a second time. This time your speech felt a bit better, letting each one of the persons you introduced to take a more specific part in the sketch I was drawing while we were talking. I didn't get angry or upset, and perhaps I understood more why and once again I didn't grow that emotional, then I thought that perhaps that's why not so many people came to visit you and that's why I think you were not dissapointed.
I don't know whether Andreu liked you, but I enjoyed to watch you and hear you while he was by my side. That's another feature from me that you know. Don't tell to anybody, please, I could be misinterpreted.
Dear 'Dear Wendy', I hope next time you come to visit me, I guess I deserve it, don't you think so?
Honestly yours,
J

Habemus Kanzlerin

On last Sunday I saw on TV that the city of Berlin was a kind of city under siege, or under urge, or under the cameras from the world's press.
That singer (my personal relation aside) Robbie Williams was shaking and rocking with a concert which was broadcasted to several places and with visitors from everywhere. And that day, some people was standing or sitting, waiting for a new Kanzler, after Angela Merkel and Gerhard Shröder were having conversations.
Since yesterday Merkel is the historic first woman, first Kanzlerin in Germany. After seeing the especulations and anxiety of the people, I dare to think that there is no clear leadership in the country where I am currently living.
Something that I notticed here in Germany, in comparison with my own country, is that being Kanzler doesn't mean necessarily being in the power or being mighty, whereas in Mexico, to be a President is almost to be allmighty (and all-vulnerable I can tell). But after all this talks they had had, I am starting to think that to be a politician requires to have some power, and actually lesser than the power that one gives away. I say that because in my humble opinion I dare to think that the other guy in Merkel's party, Stoiber, wouldn't just sit and clap his hands at Merkel's work. He doesn't look like.
But I am not a critic or a politic analyzer, I am just a foreigner in a country after 4 and half years, and such decisions, directly or indirectly, affect me.
I wouldn't have paid for a concert of Robbie Williams, but I wish I saw him. I didn't vote for the german elections, but I wish I did.

La mezcla o forraje o cóctel

Un granjero en el mercado del Turmweg me reconoce cada vez que paso por su puestecito y en ocasiones me da sus productos a precio más bajo.
Hoy he comprado dos alcachofas, grandes, como tetas de concurso y dos toronjas, que dicen que son buenas para quemar la grasa sin hacer mucho esfuerzo. Con lo amargas que son, comérselas ya es un esfuerzo.
Cagar es otro esfuerzo, aunque es un esfuerzo placentero, a menos que el estrenimiento esté de camarada indecente, que no se aleja ni cuando se visita el retrete.
En tales casos es bueno comer pasas. Hoy en el mercado he comprado algunas uvas pasas, pero no se encuentran solas, también traen o llevan a sus camaradas, unas nueces de diferente procedencia: anacardo, almendra, avellana y no sé qué mas. Las nueces, frutas secas por excelencia, traen la grasa que la toronja luego quema, y dan energías que no necesariamente se tienen que quemar, ayudan a la concentración. Las uvas pasas son las que ayudan a cagar mejor y he notado que incrementan la salivación al comerlas. Son buenas.
Tal ejército de uvas pasas y frutas secas se llama "studentenfutter" en alemán, creo que significa algo como "forraje de estudiantes". El fin de semana pasado antes de coger el tren para ir a Sylt, compré una bolsa de "studentenfutter" que me costaron casi 5 Euros. El paquete, con las etiquetas "BIO" y "FIT" -que supongo son marcas registradas o ideas tenebrosas para que haya costado tan caro-, tenía traducciones del contenido en varios idiomas. En inglés le decían "Mix for students", que entiendo como "mezcla para estudiantes" y en la lengua de Cervantes le pusieron "Cóctel para estudiantes".
Hoy he comprado mi "cóctel para estudiantes" en el mercado de Turmweg, no precisamente con mi granjero preferido, pues él no las tiene, sino en el puestecito de en frente, por menos de 2 Euros.
Voy a comer alcachofas. Luego toronjas. Luego, para cagar a gusto, mi "cóctel de estudiantes"